Cantankerous Chicanery

What’s up, all? I’ve got a few things goin’ on in the world of wrestling that I’d like to talk about. Instead of doing a usual long post focusing on one of these subjects (because I know everyone out there love reading those walls of text), I thought I’d just split it up into a few sections. Enjoy!

• R.I.P. Umaga

So Eddie Fatu, better known to fans as Umaga, passed away a little over a week ago. When I was browsing through the dirtsheets as I usually do every morning, it absolutely shocked me. Here was a guy that was on my television screen about a year or so ago. Now he’s passed away.

I’m not going to be one of those guys who claims he always loved Umaga 100%. I thought he was a decent wrestler, for what he was. Really, I shouldn’t have liked him. He was performing in the 2000s with an 80s gimmick of a savage monster. But he did well in his role. He was agile for a big man and he conveyed the character real well. I think his time in 3 Minute Warning was underrated as well.

What really hits me is, above all, he is a human being. He had a wife and a family that will ow sorely miss him. My heart goes out to them in their time of suffering. As well, he had a promising career ahead of him. He was only 36 when he died, and that’s way too young for anyone. He was just competing on the Hulkamania tour as well.

Not to jump to conclusion like the rest of the journalists out there, but let’s go over facts: as I said, he was only in his 30s (which in wrestling years is around 60). He was let go by WWE for not only failing a drug test but refusing to go to rehab. While the implications here are drug-related, the autopsy hasn’t been released yet, but not’s jump to conclusions.

As saddened as I was, to be quite honest I’ve also grown somewhat numb to hearing about my favorite performers die by now. By now I’ve read of so many reports of them dying it makes you wonder just what the hell is going on in the business. I know they’ve made some effort to clean it up but this should be a serious wake-up call to both the promoters and the performers. Wrestlers need to unionize, head bookers need to stop encouraging (overtly OR subtly) their guys to take steroids so they can look like perfectionist bodybuilders, and the wrestlers need to quit almost killing themselves and getting pilled up to party and deal with the pain.

So long, Youmanga. Give them a Samoan spike when you’re up there.

• TNA vs. WWE head-to-head

A while back on here I commented on how TNA might be able to rise up as a possible contender to Vince McMahon’s throne. Well, consider me a seer, because it looks like they’re going to take a stab at it. And even as a loyal fan of both, I think they might be biting off a bit more than they can chew.

Quite frankly, all the pessimism towards TNA on all the message boards is a bit disheartening. It seems the WWE fanboys have been completely brainwashed and aren’t willing to accept another promotion’s brand of entertainment. I’m looking at this with curious optimism, but even I have to concede TNA might not be getting all that they’re bargaining for.

The move to announce it on UFC was both a good and bad move. Good because it reaches out to the 18-34 demographic, who is wrestling’s prime target. Also, a lot of current MMA fans are former WWE fans, and so by working out a partnership through Spike, they’ve already got an edge on WWE, whom Dana White has made public he is no fan of.

WWE has arguably suffered with no competition. Ever since both WCW and ECW went out of business, they’ve been on cruise control, churning out a mediocre program and at times boring matches. This may be the shot in the arm needed to wake up the business. As we’ve seen in the past, Vince cranks it up on all cylinders whenever he feels threatened.

Now, while I appreciate this scrappy young upstart company and their “take-no-prisoners” approach, it’s a bit risky. With bringing Hulk Hogan on board, they risk him getting his head swelled as he often does and running roughshod over the whole company. The analogies to WCW keep popping up here, and that’s not always a good thing, given the end result of that. While Hulk might be good to pop a slight ratings spike from curious nonfans, he really won’t attract any viewers in the long haul. He can barely wrestle and is a bit past his prime. Even he seems unclear what his role is. If they stick him in just a non-action talking capacity, that can wear out its welcome extremely quick.

Also, keep in mind the huge monopoly WWE has over wrestling. To many people, they are sports entertainment. TNA is a product very few outside of hardcore aficionados have heard of. For them to fly right into battle would be like Isis going up in a Battle of the Bands with Nickelback. They may have the edge in quality but to many out there it’s all about name value and popularity, for better or for worse.

Regardless, TNA really has little to lose. If they do edge out WWE in the ratings (which they actually have a very slim chance of doing, given RAW’s terrible track record lately) Monday Night, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. If they get a decent rating, it may be the go-ahead for Spike to authorize a live program on that time slot. If they fail miserably against WWE, Vince won’t have anything to worry about and TNA can o back to doing their regular thing.

• Luck of the Irish

You see that pale red-headed dude? He’s WWE Champion. That’s right, when I read that newsbit Monday, I nearly crapped myself.

Maybe it’s a sign that the bookers know they need to freshen up the scene a bit and change things. Even if this only does end up being a Kane or CM Punk reign, it’s a breath of fresh air, something you really can’t complain about.

I won’t be like the rest of the doom-and-gloom smarks and complain about this. “We’re tired of Cena! Do someone new!” and then “Sheamus isn’t ready, he’s barely established!” Christ, what makes you people happy? Why do you even watch wrestling?

This reminds me of the Attitude Era, where it was unpredictable and anything cold happen, and that’s why you watched. Are there more deserving people right now? Of course. You’ve got The Miz, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, and John Morrison twiddling their thumbs right now.

But let’s not take anything away from Sheamus. From what I’ve seen of him so far, he’s big, he has decent ring skills, he has passable mic skills, and he plays a great cocky but powerful heel. Look at it from all the 13-year-old’s perspective; this scary bully has come in, run roughshod over the whole competition, retired a guy, and vanquished their hero John Cena in less than three months. You spend a year feeding guys jobbers and it grows a little old.

That’s how you book a menacing bad guy. Plus, he has that whole “foreign antagonist” deal, but with a modern twist. Shemaus is slightly underdeveloped, however. I thought they could have built him up at least a few months more before squashing Cena. But hey, at least the Chain Gang Soldier doesn’t have the title anymore, am I right?

Before immediately panning this, let’s just see how this pans out. If anything, this reeks of what I notice is an ADD style of booking. I really think the writers have no idea what to do. One minute Cena is fighting DX, the next he’s feuding with Sheamus. Some guys have a few matches and it’s forgotten the next week. We get random guest hosts who stumble through their lines.

Gee, I guess being HHH’s new workout buddy does wonders for one’s career.

The man in the picture above is Ed “The Strangler” Lewis. For those unaware, he was a famous wrestler in the 1900s. That’s right, all you young-ins, there was professional wrasslin’ before Vince’s big-time show came along. He was considered one of the first to evolve wrestling from a rough man’s shootfight contest into the choreographed (for its time) spectacle that we all know of today.

Thinking back to how the NWA and AWA have existed in the past is a curious deal to me. To consider, once there was a governing body that held the actual physical titles themselves in prestige. The National Wrestling Alliance, from which WCW sprang from, was a governing committee that oversaw all the actions of the local promotions. This was because of a slight caveat, which still pops up from time to time in wrestling’s modern landscape; all the top drawers claimed to be “world champions” without ever actually getting an authentic cosmopolitan experience.

As one can see from the clip above, wrestling was far different back then. Of course, it had its fair share of spectacle—wrestling has always been a glitzy circus, like it or not—but there was an air of athleticism and purity back in the golden era. What was unique was though there was a bit of a unifying ideal, each scene, so to speak, had its own feel, its own characters, its own storyline, and its own titleholders.

All that changed when Vince McMahon came along. Using his father’s money and heritage of the-then WWF and a vision of a standard promotion, he proceeded to suck all the territories dry. Buying up their stars and pushing them on his shows, Vince was the first man to truly command a national audience for wrestling. Before, you had the deep South wrasslin’ style and the more workrate-oriented North.

What Vince added was an increased sense of pageantry and cartoonish entertainment. The headlocks and legdrops made way for chairshots and top-rope maneuvers. The simplistic tough-guy characters were being driven aside for the flashy gimmicks of superheroes and foreign menaces. We saw bright spandex and outlandish ring attire instead of the monochromatic, minimalistic tights of days’ past. Goodbye Bruno Sammartino, hello Hulk Hogan.

This is not to get all teary-eyed with nostalgia on my readers. I am twenty one and grew up with the Attitude Era, perhaps the period of time best known for pushing the boundaries of sports entertainment to their absolute extreme. Still, I can’t help but wonder what has become of this bygone dynasty? When my mother and brother tell me about how they saw The Rock n’Roll Express compete at the Superdome, I ponder how it must have felt.

The joys of seeing a new face pop up in a local ring and work his shtick must have been refreshing. A wrestler could try out a new character or tinker with an evolved moveset without having it previously exposed. Now fans are exhausted because we put up with the same exact straight-edge CM Punk promo ad naseum. Randy Orton and Triple H has been done a gazillion times on a public stage. The wrestlers most likely had a slightly easier schedule, too. There was a unique flavor in each state and the action was more oriented around the moves and strategy, instead of silly distractions like run-ins or wacky shenanigans like backstage segments.

Lest I get ahead of myself in romanticizing the past, let’s not forget wrestling has always been a shady business. The promoters back then in the regional days made a used car salesman seem like a Boy Scout leader. they would rob guys out of pay, change the finishes randomly, and sometimes organize mid-match shoots if they didn’t like the visiting guy’s hair. For all the scorn heaped upon him and his sanitized product, Vince has done all he can to clean up wrestling, take some care of his performers, and let’s be honest…..sometimes the in-ring action is more exciting and quite frankly better. Tomato, tomatho. Some find hour-long chinlocks a pure thrill, others like dives off of ladders.

Still, one can’t help but see this as a parable about the dangers of globalization. Many mom-and-pop stores, filled with nearby residents and popularized by a small and caring staff, are being driven out by big-box retailers that take up space, pay their employees a crap salary, and enforce a sterilized sense of legalese conformity over all their workers. What they hawk are inferior and shoddy products at half the price to maximize profits while simultaneously halving quality. If NWA was the local grocery store, WWE is now Wal-Mart. They offer up one-dimensional plots with untalented muscleheads with increasingly ludicrous gimmicks and forced unfunny “comedy”.

Where is the NWA now? Shockingly they’re still around. They limp on, their egos wounded but with a resilient sense of pride. Apparently some guy named Robert Trobhick is the President Executive Producer (could they be throwing their hat in for a USA network deal?). Their World champion is Blue Demon Jr. (doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as John Cena does). They got desperate enough in the 90s to appear in enemy territory, on WWF TV in an interpromotional angle, and lent their namesake to TNA for a while, although the legacy itself hardly means anything anymore. Oh, isn’t that how life goes: to rise in prestige at first, but tarnish in obscurity forever after.

The LGBT community continues to be a sadly-ignored and marginalized group in wrestling. It’s kind of to be expected, though; with such a masculine and agressive form of entertainment, there’s hardly any room for positive potrayals of homosexuals.

It’s something that has been on my mind since the article I discussed in my last blog post. Wrestling occupies a weird niche: one can’t deny the latent sexual undertones of two men doused in baby oil and sweat, dressed in their underwear and rolling around trying to gain control over one another. At the same time, the very thought of homosexuality becomes repulsive, because of the redneck contigent out in the crowd and the natural impulse twoards “manly” thought and behavior.

The few characters that have been featured as being outright homosexual were typically effeminate villians who riled up the crowd and played to their prejudices. The first of these was Goldust, who appeared in the pre-Attitude era and was quite controversial for his day. He played off the fears of the audience and the wrestlers, utilizing groping and psychological tactics to play mind games. He really pushed the boundaries and upset the fans.

Now, in the PG Era, when everything is carefully sanitized and re-written so the kids can buy John cena T-shirts, he’s marketed as an “eccentric outsider” who’s supposed to be a parable for anyone who’s felt different or unique. His past flirtations with his opponents are all but gone.

The other memorable performers were, of course, Billy and Chuck. At first they were just your average, run-of-the-mill heels, but soon they began to display affection for one another. The fans were both disgusted and intrigued with this odd behavior. However, it was all revealed to be a ruse and hastily retconned as a so-called “publiciy stunt”.

This was obviously intended to get publicity and really court controversy. They instead copped out and didn’t want to fully go through with it. This isn’t some gay man or angry left-winger ranting here, but rather a fan looking at this from a pragmatic and civil rights perspective.

When gays have popped up in the ring, they’re mainly used as comedic relief. The bookers and the promotion refuse to take them seriously, instead viewing them through the stereotypical lens of bumbling goofs, effeminate fairies, and incompetent wussies.

Ocasionally, however, thee’s a slight condemnation of homophobia, with the flamoyant performers exposing the straight-laced mindset as limiting and playing off their paranoia. Towards Rico’s later face run, he utilized this to his advantage, most notably against Charlie Haas.

The day when we get a normal, babyface potrayal of a homosexual wrestler looks to be a long day in the future. But hey, we got a black President, so never say never in America, right? There are a few perfomers who are actually gay in real life: Pat Patterson and Kanyon. Unfortnately, as is the case with the on-screen product as well, this is maninly kept hush-hush, and to come out the closet is akin to a dangerous tabboo that may lead one to being ostracized and blackballed in the business.

The fact that I’m an afficionado of mock combat is, quite honestly, something I tend not to mention in the company of others. As you can imagine, among friends, it’s something I keep to myself at times. But an article that was recently published in the Village Voice picqued my interest and awakened something that has been laying dormant in me for a long time.

Recently, it analyzed a recent ROH show and claimed it was perfect for gay men because of the latent homerotic undertones inheent in its matches. For those who are curious, you can read it yourself and make up your mind here: http://www.villagevoice.com/2009-03-11/voice-choices/blood-match

Quite frankly, I woulda have expected better than hem than this ciched rubbish. But then again, they’ve always had a reputation of being elitist high-culture snobs, in my opinion. By now, I am quite frankly tired of all the criticisms and insults lodged against wrestling: “It’s fake!” “It’s gay!” “It’s so lame!”

I will not deny that it is pre-planned and choreographed. This fact is indesputable and beyond common knowledge. So, yes, in that sense, it is fake. What’s not fake, though, is all the injuries these brave souls go through. Tell me, how is Edge’s recent torn Achilles tendon false? Watch the guy at the local high school gym promotion bleed from his head and ask him how cartoonish it feels.

I think a good majority of fans are, by now, aware of its rather theatrical style (at least, I hope). In fact, this becomes part of the spectacle. We passionate and hardcore fans have become like patrons at a play production: aware of its expectations, always critiquing the substance in an effort to improve it.

If the whole “don’t watch it because it’s fake” argument holds merit, why even bother with most forms of popular entertainment? Should people stop watching South Park because it’s animated and doesn’t involve three-dimensional flesh-and-blood protagonists? Should I turn off the television when House comes on because I possess the knowledge that in real life Hgh Laurie is not actually an acerbic doctor? There does exist this little concept called suspension of disbelief, ya know.

And speaking of South Park, there was recently an episode dealing with professional wrestling. Quite frankly, I didn’t find it that entertaining. Then again, South Park hasn’t really held my interest lately, what with its reactionary and reducto ad absurdum attacks on liberal ideas. Regardless, it went for the obvious route of viewing wrestling as a male soap opera.

In contrast, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a superb show if I must say so myself, handled in a much more mature and thoughtful way (as mature and thoughtful as they get, that is). What we may be seeing here is a slight resurgence in the business’s popularity. As us inside fans know, the industry is cyclical, experiencing periodic ups and downs. Now we see a thourougjly postmodern fanbase; aware of its often cheesy limitations, but with a nostalgic reverence tied to childhood experiences with it.

Those who charge that it’s a bit discomforting to see two half-naked men roll around in a ring seem to be projecting their own latent homosexual feelings into the matches. If you see Triple H facing Randy Orton and the first thing that comes to mind is penis on penis, that tells me a lot more about you than it does the nature of wrestling. Not to get all Freudian on you or getting wordy with the old “no u” defense, but that’s how I feel. It’s just more projectile homophobia from people who can’t let that sort of thing rest.

So, with all this said, and all these arguments, let’s get down to the susbstance of my argument. Just why am I a wrestling fans? It’s hard to say, and I find myself gasping for even a muttering as I think about it. Perhaps WCW and WWF WWE got me when I was young. My brother exposed me to an episode of Nitro as a young kid in middle school, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Time went on and I stayed tuned, through the worst of times (yes, I suffered through Brock Lesnar as champion and Katie Vick….oh, what a loyal fan I am). What occured to me is that, as far-fetched as this argument is, is that wrestling is art, in a sense.

Think about it…..it’s pre-arranged, it tries to make a point, it’s performed in front of a group of people, and it often strives to elicit powerful emotions from the audience. So perhaps there is some merit to the “male soap opera” theory. Oftentimes, the storylines revolve around common themes we all encounter in life. Being betrayed by a friend, striving to compete to be the best, running up against arrogant blowhards, striving to be righteous and virtuous in a world rife with corruption. When Batista recently attacked his now former best friend Rey Mysterio, who couldn’t feel Rey-Rey’s pain, having been there before?

Wrestling combines the best of both worlds: playing on the testosterone-fueled desire for violence and bloodshed, with the public cathharsis we’ve come to expect from Shakespeare. In this gritty and bare release of pent-up agression, we fans feel either exhilirated or outraged, depending on whether the face or heel has come out on top. So, basically, RAW is theater with baby oil.

Is it true that some former fans are wandering away in something more raw, more athelic, more, dare I say it…..realer? I thik there actually is some credibility to this argument. MMA, specifically the UFC, has probably stolen away some disgruntled Attitude Era-bros. Even I’ve slightly wandered ove and have began viewing The Ultimate Fighter, without abandoning Vince McMahon’s baby. But even yo have to contend that the UFC is slightly over-the-top. The entrances, the hype, the PPVS, even how they’re building the Rashad-Rampage feud (so much for that, though, what with Jackson straight-up walking out on them). So even they’re not immune from pop culture producton values.

So, in closing, I hope you now see professional wrestling in a different light. As dorky as it sounds, we fans are a passionate bunch, and our fanatacism is not something to be taken lightly, and we are tired of the usual childish taunts levied against our favorite televsions shows. If it persists, we may have to take a steel chair upside your head.

I promised (ha, like I ever hold up to hose) a loooooong time ago during a post about Mr. Kennedy (funny how that turned out) that I’d do a piece letting known my thoughts about one Montel Vontavious Porter. well, here it is.

Ever since I first saw MVP burst onto the scene, I thought he was a future superstar in the making. He had the prescence, cocky swagger, ring psychology, and mick skills that you could ever want in a wrestler. His gimmick was something fresh and interesting; an athlete who thought he was better than the game as a whole. It was a clever spin on the whole “arrogant heel” shtick.

During his first few months, it really seemed like he was going places. Despite the fact that he was (in kayfabe and the WWE fans’ eyes) a rookie, he managed to capture gold quickly and get involved in some noticeable mid-card feuds.

It seemed like the sky was the limit for this guy. However, a funny thing happened. For whatever reason (rumor has it MVP got in the doghouse for mouthing off to a drug test inspector), they saddled him with a losing streak angle. Now the brash and cocky “King of Bling” looked like a perenial jobber. I think this is the turning point when he lost a lot of credibility and interest in the fans’ eyes, through no fault of his own.

Once again, the creative (using that term loosely) team sabotages yet another new star’s career due to their hairbrained schemes and lack of coherent long-term planning. After this, he ws turned face. While initially I appreciated that they were trying to take him in a new direction, in a way I thnk they pulled the plug too soon.

The heart of MVP’s character is that he’s an arrogant dude. Allegedly based off of T.O., he is a skilled wrestler taht nonetheless feels the need to showboat and throw it in everyone’s faces. While once could tweak it to make him a narcissistic but loveable protagonist, ala The Rock, tehy should have tied to mold him more into that sort of role.

Instead, as usual, we get the same half-baked “oh well he’s gonna smile and slap hands with the fans on his way to the ring” deal that results in lukewarm reactions and tepid fan perceptions. When he first got traded to RAW, I had high hopes for him. Not only was he the U.S. champion but he interrupted Randy Orton of all people on his first night on the show.

RAW is the place where careers go to die. It’s a proverbial graveyard, it seems. All hopes for a huge push and a spot in at least the uper mid-card were dashed when Shane freakin’ McMahon did a run-in to attack Randy Orton. The message they were basically sending to viewers at the time was, “Yeah, he’s okay, but he’s not quite ready for the spotlight.” It’s that frustrating sort of indecisiveness that ruins not only MVP’s career but a lot of the other younger guys as well.

From then on, the poor guy’s been in curtain-jerking purgatory. He got stuck in a directionless tag team with Mark Henry (ugh) and has been doing absolutely nothing of note lately. He’s dangerously close to Carlito-level of obscurity here, people.

And it’s a shame to see so much potential wasted like that. Out of a lot of the performers with the company, MVP really stands out to me. Like I said, he has a unique gimmick, a decent talent level, and he can hold his own speaking and has shown he can get the crowd involved.

Beyond the camera, his out-of-ring, real-life ordeal is the stuff of corporate dreams. Here’s a guy who served 10 years in prison for armed robbery and has now trained to be a wrestler. whle in most instances companies would shine away from that sort of background, here it’s almost a gold mine for them.

The guy rose up from poverty, gangbanging, and worked hard to get where he is today. It’s the classical “rags to riches” story America is built on. As well, he has redeemed himself and paid his debt tos ociety, and obviously doesn’t seem to be robbing any cars anytime soon. They get both street cred from the urban audience and a tale of overcoming.

Speaking of street cred—-that’s an area WWE hasn’t really looked into or tapped into. MVP is a self-made playa, but he still has that hood air about him that can connect with the hip-hop crowd. Along with Cryme Tyme, MVP represents the interests and fashion of a new generation….one enamored with Lil’ Wayne and Flo Rida. If WWE got their stuff together and saw the marketability inherent in MVP, they’d have a real cash cow on heir hands.

Sadly, they will continue to rely on pushing-40 DX and their oh-so-wacky hijinks that only appeal to old-school fans stuck in the past or dopey 12 year olds who don’t know any better. Maybe when the ratings plummet to an all-time low and all the talent is held down on RAW and there’s no flesh blood, when fans have finall had enough of the endless Chavo vs. Hornswoggle feud, and when they see through the veil and understand that RAW is a shell of its former self and is now nothing but Saturday Night Live in spandex, will Vince get the message and maybe finally push people like MVP.

Randy Orton has, arguably, emerged as one of the more interesting and fresh characters in the WWE landscape. His detractors say he is boring and has a monotone delivery (both in the ring and on the mic), but I have to disagree a bit. I think it’s more the fault of the booking team and their irregular interpretation of his character.

Nonetheless, Orton is a throwback to the heels of old. He is conniving, selfish, vicious, and a borderline sociopath. He is obviously using Legacy to better his own career and has kicked countless people in the head, with little signs of remorse or concern. Funny, this heel gimmick that is just cool enough to get cheered by the fans reminds me of another young take-no-prisoners competitor….

It’s interesting to note the evolution (no pun intended) of Orton’s career so far. When he first debuted on Smackdown waaaay back in 2002 or so, he was potrayed as a plucky young blue chipper. Soon his character morphed into an arrogant pretty boy. He had a head full of hair, doused in mousse, rock-solid abs, and was a cocky legend killer.

Now he’s done a complete 180. No longer is he the GQ model or innocent young pup of old, but a cold and calculating Machiavellian villian, decked out in sleeve tattoos and a shaved head. He’s gained the nickname of “The Viper”, the first of many parallels between him and Steve Austin.

Both started out their careers as pretty boys (believe it or not, ol’ Austin used to have a full head of luscious blond hair). Both used a variation of the Ace Cutter later into their careers. Both have seen a gradual ascent from the mid-card to the main event.

However, there are some obvious differences between the two. Stone Cold suffered a devastated neck injury as teh result of a botched move in a match between Owen Hart, which affected his career devastatingly. He transitioned to a wild brawling style. Oddly enough, despite being immobilized, he was noted for his manic energy and fisticuffs style.

Randy Orton, meanwhile, has narrowed down his style to develop a slow pace. The crossbodies off the top rope are gone; in their place are chinlocks and a slow pace to the ring. Whereas the nickname “The Rattlesnake” gives off connotations of an unpredictable individual ready to strike at any moment, “The Viper” says he’s a slithering, shady wrestler always plotting his next move.

Regardless, it’s getting hard to note some of the cheers cropping up for Randy Orton. This is probably due to his longstanding feud with his peennial rival, John Cena. John Cena is promoted endlessly as the happy-go-lucky, squaky-clean babyface. He is the perfect, all-American, constantly smiling poster boy for the WWE. The fans have voiced their opinion and let Vince know they are somewhat exhausted with this one-dimensional superhero.

No matter what Orton’s methods may entail, you have to respect his dedication and passion (in kayfabe) towards retaining the title. He may run away from fights at times, but in the ring he somehow always manages to come away with a pinfall. He’s rather honest in interviews about his lack of scruples and works hard to keep Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase on track. In many regards, he’s like a modern-day antihero, and almost an echo of the old Attitude style.

Many experts and afficionadios have decided that, without question, the Invasion was one of the worst storylines to arise in recent wrestling history. For those unaware, the “Invasion” occured when Vince McMahon purchased the rights to WCW. Of course, many were chomping at the bit to see WCW and the then-WWF face off. Initiallt they did, running in on random matches and proceeding to start an inter-promotional war.

It was a dream feud many wrestling fans had been salivitating over. The thought of the two biggest wrestling companies facing off was quite possibly more then the mind could fathom.  But, like all fantasies (Brock vs. Goldberg), it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype. What happened paled in comparison to what could have been.

I will grant that it was something of a flop and porrly executed. Yet—and this is a big yet—there were shining bright spots. For ne, what’s lost in all the hoopla regarding this dark period surrounding wrestling is the gradual push, rise, and ascent of Kurt Angle to the true main event.

Kurt Angle, then a patriotic hero, Olympic veteran, and flag-bearer of the WWF, took on the leader of the Alliance, turncoat Stone Cold. What ensued was an epic battle between the two performers that brought out the best in each man. We really got the breadth and scope of Kurt’s talent and how he could be marketed as an uber-babyface.

For once, we got a clear view of just how great Kurt was and what an ensured future legend he could be. In Austin’s case, it showed that he still had it and could play a vicious heel that could truly make the fans forget the Steveweisers he shared with them and could really make them hate him.

In kayfabe senses, you could truly just feel the hatred the two man had for each other. As well, what goes ignored is that many other new stars got their (initial) push under the banner of the Alliance deal. RVD, Edge, hell, even Test, saw their star somewhat rise while competing in this time frame.

It also helped introduce many former WCW stars to a new audience. Of course, it’s silly to think WCW didn’t ahev a large fanbase and that people wee unaware of them. Now, competing in front of a larger audience and the #1 federation, guys like Booker T and DDP could get their name out there, however ill-fated their runs may have been.

Like I said, it had all the momentum in the world, but momentum won’t put asses in the seats. What I think happened is twofold; one, unfortunately they pulled the trigger on the WCW/ECW (which was a complete and uter mistake to pair those two up) vs. WWF feud at a time when the Attitude boom had just ended and so fewer fans were watching and the casual audience could care less.

Also, as has been brought up before, and as we can surely speculate, Vince was uncomfortable with many stars he didn’t create getting the upper hand. He just had to show Ted Turner and Eric Bischoff who was the better man, even it was in unscripted contests with guys he now had the contracts of. One’s ego became his own financial undoing. If he could have put aside his pride to focus on another one of his traits…..his greed….we all could have benfitted from this storyline.

Last but not least, what we saw was a company-wide storyline. While we as fans are used to individual feuds having little to no relevance on one another on a card, every so often it seems we’re bombarded with a knock-down, drag-out version of onscreen anarchy that threatens the very performer’s careers and well-beings. I’m talking about wars like NWO vs. WCW, New Blood vs. Millionaire’s Club, and the semi-current MEM vs. Frontline deal. I dunno why, but it excites me and gets me into the product when I see every single wrestler, from the lowliest curtain-jerker to the top main-eventer being affected by having to pick a side.

The Invasion, for all of its flaws, was one of the biggest money ideas ever. Second only to the NWO initially trying to take over WCW (another idea which eventually ran its course….when will comapnies learn to pull the plug when a gimmick has jumped the shark?), at first fans were stunned and angered to see people like Hugh Morrus and Lance Storm on their TV screen. The thought of ECW emerging as the dark horse third party only added fuel to the fire.

I had written down this topic about a month ago, expecting to just wade into the surface issues. Imagine my suprise, then, when the whole hoopla surrounding Jeff Hardy happened, and gave me a whole dirth of rich material to work with (only in America can someone prosper off the misfortunes of someone else. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!)

The recent feud between CM Punk and Jeff Hardy that just ended was an interesting one that brought up a lot of points. For the unitiated, CM Punk won the title from Jeff Hardy. In the storylne, CM Punk (and he’s also so in real-life) is straiht-edge, which means he completely abstains from alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. Jeff Hardy (in his actual past as well) has had problems with substance abuse and had gotten suspended for failing two drug tests.

CM Punk always preached the virtues of abstinence and leaving a clean, poison-free lifestyle. Jeff Hardy, on the other hand, claimed he “lived in the moment” and was a free spirit who did what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to not bow down to the puritanical whims of society.

Naturally, this cause dthem to butt heads. But, like all great wrestling storylines, this stems from oftentimes real-life conflicts. Within the hard rock and hardcore community, there often exists a tension between hardliners and druggies. It’s the age-old debate between two conflciting drives of humanity: the id with its need to be instantly gratified and the superego with its moralistic dictates as supported by the outside community at large.

What occured to me as an interesting link between these men, and what seemed to escape everyone else’s attention, was that both of these men sported rather sizeable tattoos. Both actually sported the sleeve style. So, no matter how divergent paths of life these opposing competitors came from, one thing linked them together. A sense of pain, expression, artistic inclinations, and a connection to the youth subculture.

An even more curious dicthomy emerges when you look at the way they booked it. Despite this being the PG Era where WWE is trying to court the younger audience, specifically small children and their parents, CM Punk was positioned as the villian. He became overly preachy and didactic, and arrogant for assuming he was “better than you” for being straight edge. You would think a guy who has never had a drink or a spliff in his life would be the role model and poster boy for the company.

Instead they showed him cheating and weaseling his way out of matches, even going as far a sto try and injure Jeff and brag about it afterwards. Jeff, meanwhile, wa spotrayed a sa ysmpathetic face, a man who wa sproud to be what he was and as a recovering addict who was atempting to make up for his past mistakes.

A lot of people failed to see the subtext to this little storyline. While CM Punk did have a point about the fans turning against him, perhaps he’s a bit too big for his britches. Vince isn’t stupid; he’s trying to reach out to the kiddies but he also knows a good portion of the fanbase are still the 18-35 male demographic, individuals who are assumed to like a good beer and to not be too receptive to Punk’s message of prohibition.

What they’re trying to get across are that the hcracter flaws of Punk’s gimmick is his one-dimensional, lack-and-white view of the world and how judgemental he is. Basically, it’s a motif in literature as old as time itself: forgiveness. Jeff can be forgiven, but Punk isn’t willing to do so. No matter how biologically pure he is, spirtitually he’s a bit tainted.

In a way, they both represent nonconformity, and I think that’s why this feud struck a strong chord with a lot of people, both on the message boards and with the marks. Straight edge was actually a hardcore punk idelogy that arose from the perceived self-destruction of the scene at that time. Minor Threat, specifically lead singer Ian Mackye, saw a good number of people (as he asserted) drowning in the excesses of liqour, cigarettes, and illicit intoxicants. As a result, he revolted against this and reacted by refusing to engage in this.

Straight edge, in actuality, seems to me to be a personal choice. The point is for the individual to have the willpower to not engage in these unhealthy practices, and to not judge others who do so. Jeff Hardy, meanwhile, is a rebel because he throws caution to the wind and is an adrenaline and thrill junkie, the judgements of others be damned.

So who’s right and who’s wrong? I can’t be the judge of that, and neither can anyone really. What we see here is an interesting dialogue about personal responsibility mingling with carefree indulgence.

Everyone’s always up in arms over the perceived glass ceiling in the WWE. Day after day, the message boards are buzzing over their latest darling getting jobbed out to one of the bigger guys. “Give John Morrison a bigger push,” they say. “MVP is being underutilized,” they cry. “A.J. Styles needs to be world champ by now,” they claim.

I will concede to them a few claims. Oftentimes, despite the necessity for wrestling to be a market driven by youth and fresh new faces, it oftentimes seems to be an old man’s game. As with any industry, business, or job, tenure reigns. The veterans are respected for paying their dues and putting their time in. Their loyalty is awarded with pushes, more screen time, and more titles, however unfair it may seem to this.

Do I doubt that Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and those in a similar category have political sway and use it to their advantage? No. But at the same time, WWE and TNA are making concentrated efforts to push their new guys. Case in point: look at the amount of exposure Dolph Ziggler and Hernandez are getting in their respective companies, lately.

There’s this myth of the mid-card, that some bright and promising young wrestlers are forever doomed to languish in insipid comedy angles and go-nowhere feuds while the Angles and Foleys of the world main event every PPV.

That’s not always the case. Chris Jericho has notably broken through, as have the late Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio. Two of the guys being pointed at as the locker room mafia, Randy Orton and John Cena, were once young bucks itching for their chance at the spotlight.

Vince McMahon in particular, for all his faults and vices, believes in the essential need to groom and push upcoming wrestlers. Why else would he put world titles on both Brock Lesnar and Jack Swagger within a year of both of them being in the company?

A lot of times, I think smarks bitch about the current state of things because they want to see the trigger get pulled faster. In a weird way, it’s an almost honorouable feeling hey have: they root for these underdogs so much and get so attached to a wrestler’s potential they get frustrated that they’re not headling Wrestlemania or Slammiversary right this instant.

Remember, o’ dirt-sheet reading ones, these things come with time, and that good omens are awarded to the patient ones who wait. It took a while for CM Punk to get the straight-edge steam engine rolling, but when he did, by God do the fans detest him. Beer Money’s had to perfect their craft for years just to get where they’re at right now. The causal fanisn’t as quick to warm up to storylines and gimmicks as we are because, well….they’re marks. They enjoy the program for what it is, on a surface level, and have short attention spans, as any American watching TV would.

So kick back, relax, and let the two comapnies do their thing. Bryan Danielson and Homicide will make it in no time. You just have to have a little faith, that’s all.

The cougar to the right is Dixie Carter. For those unaware, she’s currently President of TNA. Through some convoluted corporate business dealings that I myself confess to not entirely understanding, she and her company, Panda Energy or whatever the hell they’re called, she has become pretty much the head say-so over in Total Nonstop Action wrestling. Basically, just imagine an Eric Bischoff with boobs, and you’ve got it.

This comparison has popped up before, and that’s not always such a good sign. Recently, I’ve noticed some actions of her are gaining more momentum and power. Recently, during the whole now-infamous Jarrett-Karen-Angle love triangle, she sent Jeff home and packing.

This is despite the fact that, quite honestly, he really did nothing wrong. Sure, he violated the bro of not touching another man’s old lady. But it’s not like Kurt hasn’t admitted to not cheating on Karen while on the road. Plus, they’ve been divorced for a while and even Kurt admits he and Karen have stayed good friends. Sure, it was a stupid decision, and Jarrett should have known better. But shit happens in the workplace, and he is human. On top of that, he truly didn’t do anything illegal or unethical.

Now, this brings me to where Mrs. Carter (tell me where have you been?). She stuck her nose in what was otherwise really none of her business and asserted her authroity. True, she is president of the company and she had to step in at some point to ensure a safe and orderly workplace. But one gets the sneaking suspicion, based on the reports leaking out from backstage, that she took sides and aligned herself with Kurt. This seemed to backfire in her face based on his incident a few weeks ago (which you can find in one of my earlier posts).

Trust me, Dixie Carter seems like she actually does care about the product, she really does. Unlike the Time Warner executives overseeing WCW, she has taken an active hands-on role at times and really seems to respect what professional wrestling is all about. Unfortunately, as we’ve seen too many times, we get a corporate suit who understands next to nothing about the business and basically ends up throwing their weight around.

What a wrestling promotion, especially an at-times fledgling one like TNA, needs is people inside the business who understand how it works, how to book it, and who exactly to push. They don’t need higher-ups meddling around in their business. It’s the same thing with movie studios and the music industry: slick bigshots think they know what’s best for a certain area of entertanment, instead of letting the performers and audience decide that for themselves.

Like I said, some of her actions have been questionable. She seems fine to let Russo and his certifiable brand of insanity run loose with nonsensical storylines and a chaotic on-screen product. She has curiously disciplined neither Kurt Angle nor Christopher Daniels for their run-ins with the law. She claimed Brutus Magnus as a pet product, forcing us to suffer through a forced push as the “Modern Day Gladiator”, only to inexplicably drop that and put him in a niondescript role as a member of the British Invasion.

Dixie Carter has on multiple occassions refused to become an element in kayfabe storylines, and that’s a welcome relief, considering the barrage of real life egomaniacs we’ve had to deal with in the past (See: Bischoff, Eric and McMahon, Vince). I respect that decision on her part to stay behind the scenes and not get involved in the ring. However, one has to question this with her recent decision to show up on TV for an interview to hype Bobby Lashley (ugh):

Hopefully this won’t lead her to popping up as future DOA (Lord knows we already have enough authority figures in TNA), although I actually think this isn’t the case and there’s no need for worry. Still, isn’t it always frustrating when bureacrats stick their nose where it doesn’t belong?