Aug 23 2009
Number two is number one
Whoever you are, from the highest royal to the lowliest street urchin, we all engage in bodily functions. Doody, ca-ca, relieving oneself, dropping the kids off at school, or my personal favorite, just takin’ a big ol’ dump. It’s the one thing that crosses cultural barriers, philosophical differences, and linguistic dimensions.
Some may scoff at this assertion and write it off as incredibly vulgar and puerile. Yes, that is the gut reaction (make sure that’s not indigestion there), but look a little deeper within yourself and discover if this is not true, my fellow hominid. Are you not getting up in the middle of this blog entry to go urinate in the bathroom? Make sure, dear female readers (if tehre’s any of you out there), to wipe well.
At times, in the bathroom, while the strain of these biological functions overwhelms me, I consider how this is an representation of the abstract notion of rebirth and regeneration, by means of pain and death. How many of us have had to kick out a friend that was dragging us down, change a bad habit that was ruining us, or otherwise push out that which was negative in order to improve our quality of life? So them, we must poop and pee, because otherwise these useless substances would build up in us and tear our insides apart.
Time spent in the bathroom is often viewed as gross or nasty or unwanted, or even procrastination. Not so, as I say it. When one is in one’s personal quarters, with their pants around their ankles, this can be a remarkable time for growth and self-reflection. Remember, it all depends on how you take advantage of a situation. This is when we are most vulnerable, most at the mercy of our selves, a metaphysical time of isolation, claustrophobia, clarity, and ultimate release.
I often like to read Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathrusta while pinching off a particularly nasty loaf.
Throughout our daily lives, there are parts of us we’d rather hide. Down here in the Deep South, the humidity particualrly make sit feel like you’re being raped at all times with a giant blanke. This means right when I walk outside to get the mail I break out in a sweat like I’m Kobe Bryant at a high school cheerleader rally. Sweat is another embarassing trait we’d love to cover up, but unfortunately it’s part of who we are. Despite its offensive odor and unagreable texture, it keeps us cool and prevents us from dehydrating in the sun. Pretty nifty, huh?
Snot and mucus are frowned upon in the general public, but if we were not to sneeze and launch a snot rocket, well, then, we wouldn’t breathe, now would we? So, next time, show how proud you are of your mind and how respectful you are over your body watching out for you, and fling a booger at the stranger next to you. I’m sure they’ll secretly understand what a marvelous present you’re trying to give them.
This is excellent. Someone needed to write this.