Cantankerous Chicanery

Chris Brown is once again back they set up and two hours of sitting in the news he’s striking back at all those that call him a beater and a monster, he insists, “We ain’t going . Everybody that’s haters, they just been haters. All my

real fans, I lll. I ain’t a monster.” I don’t know about you but anyone that hits a woman and gives her a face like Rihanna ended up is definitely one. Course that’s about all he says in regards to that case. For those that are not sure what I’m talking about, back in February the pair (Chris Brown and Rihanna) were seen in a heated discussion and Rihanna was heard screaming. In the end, Chris was arrested and the photo here was the result of “whatever” took place. Chris had no marks on him, at least not from pictures that were released. He did come forward and state he had a temper and was now seeking help, now with a statement that he is no monster makes one wonder. Obviously he still blames the incident on her and has no belief in what he did was wrong.

In recent news dealing with the whole beating/non-beating case Chris has subpoened  Rihanna to appear in court instead of just having her lawyer do her talking.  Guess he thought having her in front of him would make the case disappear. He also tried to get a motion to get all the police and investigative records, judge denied it. If she does appear in court, she can be crossed by Chris’ lawyer, Mark Geragos. But out of all honesty I don’t

think he could say anything to make it okay that she ended up like this:

In just four months, Mohamed Altoumaimi has found a formula to explain and simplify the so-called Bernoulli numbers, a sequence of calculations named after the 17th century Swiss mathematician Jacob Bernoulli, the Dagens Nyheter daily said.

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1. demonstrated outside. The organizers declined to say how much the men were paid for the event, called "continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) device that forces air through your nose and mouth to keep your airways open, or even
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in the 5th century. The language



 
 
 
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simple and plain himself should go out and direct traffic with their penises, but what people do in their own time is their own fault. Matt Striker will have to live with this

commitments, but will not be allowed after Bound for Glory, with TNA giving a source has stated that Joe may be pulled from all bouts past the Slammiversary PPV, but also mentioned that he was willing to work 

Yamamoto should have won the decision against Joe Warren

Salutations, bloodsucking leeches devout readers! Happy Memorial Day to all you out there, and I hope you’re enjoying, or at least trying to survive, those awkward and boring family BBQs. With it being a day to recognize the veterans who gave their lives for this country (i.e. violent rednecks who dropped out of high school and couldn’t figure out anything else to do with their life), let’s talk about something familiar to them: death. Specifically, execution, especially when it’s sponsored by the state.

I am in favor of the death penalty. now, that won’t win me any fans with the defense lawyers or “right to life” movement out there. But hear me out. When a person violates the law, commits an act of transgression against his fellow man, and takes someone’s life, he has to pay with his own. That’s just how I see it. An eye for an eye, a principle that has guided humanity for as long as we know.

Now, there will be some who say, “Yeah, but the rate of crime has gone up in America and is still increasing.” True. But I think that has more to do with our wishy-washy attitude toward crime. We want swift justice and retribution but we try to give criminals a final meal. We keep an eye on them in prison and have a suicide watch. We’re dealing with a Kafkaesque legal system taht lets child molestors back out on the street after three months. You have to look at the system as a whole, not the end destination.

What this boils down is the human thrist for vengeance. It’s there; you can’t supress it, you can’t deny it, you can only deal with it. A lot of death row inmates aren’t people who’ve been dealt a bad hand or cheated on their taxes or got caught with a bag of weed: these are hardcore killers, with no ounce of remorse, who are of no use to society. You think if we let Jeffrey Dahmer live and invited him into your home, he’d take the moral high route? Not so.

I do think we treat criminals a bit too brutally and condition in jail can be improved, without which leads to hardening of convicts and thus a worse attitude within them that gets released onto the general public. Perhaps they can be rehabilitated. But some of them are so sick and far-gone we have to execute them. Think of it as sociological chemotherpay: ridding out the cancer to make the entire organism better. It’s not easy and it’s not nice, but it’s not supposed to be.

To opponents of the death penalty, I ask you the age-old question: What if someone killed your family? could you really let bygones be bygones? When it gets personal, the waters get muddied, and all of the sudden your nobler human instincts fail you, wouldn’t they?

I am aware of Humanity for Prisoners, which is a non-profit organization devoted to overturning wrongful convictions. I wholeheartedly support this, and I’m sure there are a lot of backwards cases where innocent people are going to the electric chair. But keep in mind a lot of those decisions were made in the 50s, where they didn’t have DNA and all the sophisticated methods we have now, and a black man would have a trial that lasted an hour simply because he looked at a white woman. Yes, it is sad when innocent people die, and it breaks my heart to think of that.

What I’m focusing on are the true criminals, the ones that deserve it. Sorry, BTK Killer, you ain’t human in my book, and I will give in to my darker urges of bloodthrist to see that you say sayonara. Life ain’t always pretty flowers, ya know.

First off, go check out my homie Jay Todd over at http://newsman.today.com/ He’s new to this thing, so show him much love. Or complete hatred, whatever floats your boat. He seeks to provide an objective view of the news, and trust me, knowing him perosnally, he’s probably the only credible source of information left. Although when I read his blog, I can’t help picturing some anchor in a lesiure suit with Elvis sideburns narrating the posts to me. Then again, that could just be me and my odd imagination.

Goddamnit if I see one more stupid vegetarian hippie throw blood on someone I’m going to spill blood, and it won’t be fake. They constantly talk about the rights of our liberty to be free or whatever but then they go and invade people’s personal space and spill fake blood on them when they’re out minding their own business or getting in their face and handing them out pamphelts (which are made on paper, mind you).

I’m not a vegetarian, nor do I ever plan to be. Mind you, I actually consider it an ultimately noble idea, but one that just won’t work in practical reality. Yeah, it’d be nice if we didn’t have to kill animals to get dietary sustenance, but it’d also be nice if I could jizz and out came Skittles from my penis. And I doubt that’s gonna happen anytime soon.

First of all, have you ever seen any vegetarians? that’s if you can get past the smell of these commune-living hippies. It’s always some annoying hipster chick with no make-up and funky dreads that talks about how cute and precious the bunnies are. Why is it always the college know-it-alls that profess to follow this lifestyle? Why is never some 30-year-old businesswoman living in Chicago that tries to be a vegan?

To be honest, I doubt half of these kids (because, really, aside from a few burned-out radicals from the 60s that try to cling on to whatever pathetic vestiges of their youth they have left, most vegans are young adults) really beleive in this. It’s just some rebellious fad they go through to try and seem all cool and nonconformist. F’in know-it-alls.

A lot of vegetarisn look really tired and famished too. You can see it in their skin and bone structure; they always have that slightly emaciated look, like someone who took a short vacation in a Holocaust gas chamber. Don’t these retards realize you need to eat all the stuff in the food pyramid (like meat and eggs) to get all your different amino acids? It’d be like if I wore nothing but overalls and wondered why I was cold in the winter. Doofuses.

I’m just too selfish to really give up eating meat. I love it. Love it, love it, love it. Cook me up a stupid cow and I’ll douse BBQ on him and chop him up till the cows go home….onto my plate, that is. Now, that being said, I don’t think we should be spraying cologne on monkeys or putting so much lipstick on a rat it looks like RuPaul with a tail. There is a reasonable limit. I feel we should only really harm animals and kill them (it’s a sad fact but then again so is the most of life) as only absolutely necessary.

We clawed our way to the top of the food chain and we ended up being the most dominant animal around. The rule of Darwinism, folks. As such, we get the right to pick and choose and mangle and devour as we please. You think if I was sstranded in the woods, a group of bears would campaign over my frightened and confused state in the name of, “Human rights”? Hell no. Yogi Bear is coming for my ass and it ain’t the picnic he’s goinng to seak his teeth into.

The animals rights movemnet is so hypocritical. They’re all about saving precious dogs because they can make a cute puppy face. You don’t see any long-haired pinkos at the local barrier coast, protesting how everyone’s fishing. Where’s the uprising rushing to save the catfish from having hooks caught in their mouth (because last time I checked, that seems a tad bit more brutal than keeping a lion in a zoo with shade and food and protection and a stable home where it can lay around all day). I don’t hear a “Save the caterpillars” movement every time one of them gets squished by someone’s foot. If it’s furry they love it; if it has scales or is an insect they could honestly care less about it.

Their line of thinking is really backwards. You’re so against cruelty to animals, yet it’s almost impossible to completely avoid using animal products…or any resources on this Earth, for that matter. It’s funny how they claim to be so in touch with nature yet when they’re hungry they pick a plant out the ground and munch on that. Don’t you realize the pain and suffering you’re causing that plant? Can’t you hear an onion’s cries of anguish? Face the truth: we have to eat something, and we’re equipped with molars and incisors for a reason.

A lot of times animals have it better than we do. Half of the monkeys in the zoos probably revceive more feeding and care than most of our nation’s citizens do. Please tell me, when I see simba napping at 12:00 in the afternoon, how exactly is he suffering or being held down by the man? If anyone’s ever watched the specials on Discovery Channel, you can see the primal kingdom is anything but balanced or peaceful. Lions chasing gazelles, gazelles trying to sucker-punch a wallaby, and an elephant just walking up and saying, “Screw you guys, I’m an elephant, I can just sit on you. Pwned, bitches!” Compared to us, the Serengetti looks like a Scoercese film in fast-forward.

So give me anotehr glass of milk, topped off with an omelette and a hamburger. I love pork chops too much to really consider how Wilbur squeals when he realizes it’s the end. Nopbody loves animals more than I, and I feel there is a spiritual dimension to them and that at times they are more pure and cuddly than people. Yet it if came down to me or a deer starving….sorry, Bambi, my stomach’s a-rumbling, and fortunately you don’t know how to use an oven yet.

So what about gun control? You’re probably wondering, “What does The Angry Cynic think about this?” Well, no, more likely, you’re pondering, “What did I have for dinner last night?” as you watch this. Well, just work with me on this and go with it. Anyway, for all my left-wing ranting you’d be suprised at my stance on gun control.

First off, go check out Dr. Faustroll over at http://faustrollwritesthewrongs.today.com/ , as he’s had a funny series going on satirzing the various facets of the second amenmdment. But, when all is said and done, I actually support the second amendment. I am a faithful believer in the Constitution (well, minus how they left out that whole slavery issue), and it’s an amendment in there, and we have to follow that here in America if we want this thing to work.

You can’t just pick and choose which parts of the Constitution you want to follow. It’s a blueprint for our government, for God’s sakes, not a fucking lottery game. It clearly states in simple English (thank God our Founing fathers didn’t write in legalese…could you see that? “It had been unanimously declared that on the eve on the Fourth of July, in such matters where certain legislative bodies have uttered such grievances, up to but not including….”, but I digress), that the citizenry may own firearms in the context of a well-armed militia. And I know you’ve seen a militia in the truest sense of the word, at gun shows with face paint, goofy camoflague gear, and twigs in their hair.

But let’s analyze what this says, shall we? “A well-armed militia”. You gotta consider in those days a “well-armed militia” was nay jagoff that wasn’t drunk and inbred. Nowadays, in the context of the technological revolution and a sufficient military, is a well-armed militia entirely necessary? Not exactly so. Yet it still helps to have one.

Also, check this: People should have a personal right to own handguns if they want to. As long as they are of sound mental capacity and go through a background check and all that, then they should have a legal right to purchase, own, and operate a weapon in times of self-defense. I have a right to defend myself in case shit goes down, basically. Your accountant neighbor next door gets a small handgun, Timothy McVeigh doesn’t. Simple as that.

Look, if a robber breaks into my house, trying to bargain with him won’t work. I could always call the police, but what if they don’t get their in time? Sometimes it takes ages for those incompetent motherfuckers to write me a speeding ticket when they pull me over on the side of the road. You think Barney Fife can whoof down doughnuts fast enough to make it to my house in case an actual, you know, crime happens? Screw that. If a worst-case scenario happens, I’m blowing  arbber’s head off, no questions asked. He is on my property and my life is in immediate danger, and no amount of Democrat lobbying will stop his assualt.

Now, that being said, as I acknowledged, that is a worst-case scenario. And the right-wingers love to toss that out at you when they try to explain why we should be allowed to tow assualt rifles into church. While I support the right of private (and sane and nonviolent) people to have small handguns, I don’t believe the masses should have a right to own AK-47s.

I am against assault weapons and other such combat gear so clunky it would make the Terminator do a spit take. There really is no need to defend yourself against a lowly mugger with slugs that cld pierce even Joan Rivers’ tough plastic hide. To me, that is obviously absurd and overkill (pardon the pun—well, actually, it’s my pun, don’t pardon it, live with it, bitches).

Despite my libertaraian attitude, I’m also not ignorant of the psychology behind guns. I honestly don’t like them, have never held one, and personally wouldn’t put it on my “to-do” list. There is something almost disturbingly empowering and masculine about it. The feeling that a life is in your hands, a death lies in the grip of the trigger, and the overwhelimg and intoxicating rush it gives you. Kinda like being a doctor, without the silly white coat.

Owning guns does seem to change people. It turns human beings more violent and more prone to outbursts. For that reason, I do believe we should have reasonable gun control laws. We should have regulations overseeing who gets them and how they get them. If Congress would stop being so wishy-washy about this issue, we could go to a store to buy them and talk with a sales clerk about them, instead of having to meet Fredo in a back alley at 2 a.m. to purchase some cash shit he just got from Cuba (to Fredo: if you’re reading this, dude, sorry, the feds busted me and I have to enter a plea bargain. Shit happens, bro.)

Over here in the great Port-a-pottie of the U.S. I call southern Louisiana, the legislation is trying to pass a bill to allow weapons onto campus. Great, because I can’t head to my Introduction to Literature class without the fear that aboslute chaos and pandemonium will break out. In the privacy of your own home for protection is one thing, but out in public, espeically at an institution f learning, where many people may hold conflicting viewpoints which each other, I am not cool with. Then again, I always have been eager to let my Math teacher know what I thought about the D he gave me last semester…(Warning: the following was a joke. Satire, not Cho Seung-Hi. We now return you to your irregularly-scheduled diatribe.

Do you know how many hot-headed jocks, sport enthusiasts, and abortion/anti-war/trying to get Angel back on televeision protests there are at my school? One disagreement about the Saints or abortion and boom, someone’s head is rolling like Keith Richards trying to walk down a flight of stairs.

I remember one time I was on my way to class when some obnoxious douchebag (probably some pretentious right-wing half-wait who thinks he knows it all because he’s a Political Science major) stopped me because I was wearing a hammer-and-sickle shirt. He said, “Nice shirt” and asked me if I knew how many people were killed in the Soviet Union. Not particurarly caring to get into a debate with some random guy, I shrugged it off and kept walking. When he continued hassling me, I said, “Do you know how many people the United States military has killed?” he muttered “Better never catch you off campus” and stormed off. I shudder to think how the situation would have been different if he was allowed to bring a gun onto campus.

The bottom line is we should be allowed to store weapons in the santity of our own dwellings, within reasonable limits and with a moderate amount of control. Those in favor of total gun control claim guns are killing people. Not so. It is a simply a method of destruction. People have been killing each other since the beginning of time. If you ban guns (which, same as drugs, you will never be able to do…complete abolishment of guns are impossible), people will start killing eacg other with knives. You ban knives, nobody gets to cut up their steaks and we all starve to death. (Except for vegans, but nobody cares about them.) Great going, McPeacington.

There will always be murder and crime. Look at the root causes instead of looking at the instruments. It if of course silly to say owning a gun will curb these illegal tendencies of criminals…..in fact, it might only just add to the cycle of agression. I say, own a gun (that is, if you want one….keep in mind I’ve written all this, but I don’t own a gun nor do I plan to), only use it when you absolutely have to (and no, getting stuck behind some old lady in the grocery line doesn’t qualify as “absolutely have to”, though I sympathize with you), and basically, at the end of the day, just live and let live.

But then again, you can always….

(That’s right, this whole post lead up to a cheap Paul McCartney reference.)

“Fail!”

Let’s chat about abortion. Obviously one of the diciest subjects out there. I can be sure this will draw ire and outrage from all who read it, regardless of what position they hold. It’s an emotional issue (unfortunately, instead of being a social or logical or rational one….but then, all issues become emotional, don’t they?), but I will do my best to wade through it and explain my standing.

I am pro-choice. Keep in mind the particular wording I used…..pro-choice. This doesn’t mean I want to go out with a machete and kill babies (well, yeah, I do, but that’s only after waiting in line at the DMV when some irresponsible parent’s snot-nosed brat is running around, screaming its head off). It’s a choice….pay attention to what I am emphasizing. A choice. You can either abort it and go out to the bars and continue to get toasted, or you can have it and either raise in a loving, caring home or subject it to a coackroach-infested trailer while you pull double shifts at Wally-World to by you and your kids pop tarts for dinner. Capiche?

Now, let me explain my reasoning. Obviously a child is a santicty and a blessing of life…..scracth that, I could honestly care less about babies, or human beings in general. Oh, sure, they’re cute, and I do somewhat get the line of reasoning about taking care of someone. But not every single collection of molecules that pops out a woman’s trap will be a star baseball player or a doctor. Chances are he’ll be manning the cash register at the local gas station for the rest of his life.

We say “abortion is murder” and “no abortion under any circumstances”. What about in cases of rape and incest? These are the ultimate horrible scenarios we have to consider. Should a woman have to bear this responsibility because she was the victim of a disgusting crime? Should she be forced to live with seeing the result of some gruesome attack every day, especially if she’s young and single and doesn’t want to have children at that moment? No. I definetly don’t think so.

There will be those who say, “Yeah, but what about adoption?” They seem suprised when I agree with them. It is my belief that adoption is, and should always be, the first option. If you can’t stand to do away with a potential pregnancy, and you’re unfit to raise a kid, at least give it up to a family that wants it.

Too often we’re not only a disposable society, but a careless and wanton one. There are so many kids in foster homes, raised by the state, when there’s tons of loving, caring (and tragically infertile) couples that would love to raise it. But they get lost in all the legal hoopla and bureacratic wrangling of laws and rules. Instead of the two college graduates getting a kid, it’s always some alcoholic chain smoker that puts his butts out on the child’s wrist and ends up abusing them. A sad tale of neglect and ignorance.

But also, we have to take a long, hard look at ourselves as white America. we always want one of them: a nice, lean white kid. Barely any families want to adopt an Asian or a black or a latino kid because, gasp, they’re not like us! They, despite engaging in their nobler spirits, still want a perfectly Caucasian families. And so those who don’t fit into the idyllic Aryan mold suffer, lost in the night,m their echoes of abandonment heard by none.

But I digress. The topic here is abortion. So yeah, I’m pro-choice. Look, ultimately, it’s a woman’s body. I always find it hypocritical that it’s always men controlling the voices on this issue. It’s her deal, it’s growing in her womb, let her make the choice. If men had to give birth, the human race would die out in 3 years. For all our drinking and cavorting and watching football games and barroom brawls, we’re really pussies underneath. The second our bellies stuck out, we’d be whining and bitching like Michael Moore in a gun show.

Too often this issue is split into two extremes. You’re either a frothing-at-the-mouth Jesus freka who says “abortion is murder!” or you’re a hardcore feminist with a scarf around your neck who yells “my body, my choice!” There’s no middle road anymore. Have we placed that much irrational emphasis on children today? Instead of sound, logical debates, we get emotional appeals and shock photography. I ask you, where has teh center gone?

One more note, before I dash off: Isn’t it strange all these right-wing tools who claim to uphold the value of life are all about bombing clinics, murdering doctors, keeping the right to bear arms, supporting capital punishment, and (in some cases) giving the thumbs up when it comes to the Iraq war? It’s been pointed out by commentators more notable and erudite than me, but I walways found it odd they claimed to love the children while screaming at their foes at the top of their lungs.

Oh well. So much for gentleness. So keep on snuffing babies. If the good doctor can’t help you out, give me a holler. I’ll meet you out back with a coat hanger and my hourly rate is 5$. Look forward to seeing you!

Greetings again, ye faithful. It’s your host of hostility, The Angry Cynic, back with another edition of that good ol’ Cantankerous Chicanery. Sorry I took a sabattical for a while. That’s what punching your monitor in anger, having it crack, and sending it in to the drones to fix gets you.

What shocked me is that while I was away my blog got more hits than ever. Does that mean you guys prefer when I’m not around? If so, just say so in the comments section and I’ll be sure to enact bicentennial updates in the near future. And thanks to the netizens out there who type things like “kayfabe porn” and “volcano” in those search engines. I don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking for here, but I hope you discover whatever they are on your eternal quest. There’s a lot of you that really wanna see John Morrison naked, eh? *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Anyway, let’s jump right into today’s topic. Recently, in my college newspaper, they did an editorial cartoon satirizing liberal arts majors (oh, the irony in a drawing mocking creative endeavors). It showed a potential English major serving at a Starbuck’s.

This is a theme that often pops up in our intellecual realm. The writers and expressive souls in our society are shunned. Get a real job, others cry out. It’s often said that poetry or literary criticism is useless. This line  of thinking states it contributes no greater good to the movemnt of the gears that is our everyday society.

I agree with them. To endlessly disseminate the meaning of The Cherry Orchid or to analyze how Jospeh Conrad’s style and diction got across what sort of modd he was trying to establish in Heart of Darkness, this has no further or meaningful bearing on the world at large. Some single mom in the projects collecting welfare, an art history degree isn’t going to help her. Nor will it really shift any relevant paradigms in a larger context.

But neither will a MBA in Accounting. I ask you, what good is business either? We constantly trump the value of “worthwhile careers” but how are they worthwhile? They seem primarily concerned with economics and making money, which is fine if you’re a businessman or into economics. But mortage brokers, pencil pushers, crunching numbers and consolidating liquadtions…..what bearing does this have on the big picture?

Our planet still suffers. There’s still widespread famine and disease in much of the third world. You, sitting right here at your computer, reading this very words…..would it really bother you if tommorrow the man doing insurance claims for some big car company took a day off work? Does the very collapse of Western civilization depend on a bunch of cubicle zombies showing up for work every day? Does it affect a majority of the world’s immediate surroundings and health if top-level management in some corporation somewhere had taken finals for a bachelor’s in philosophy instead?

Everything is meaningless, in a relativistic sense. Even some intellectual endeavors we champion, such as psychology or sociology, are really useless. The pop culture image of psychology is the exploration of the mysterious recesses of the human mind, to plum the depths of our psyche to figure ourselves out. What they don’t mention is the truth; it’s a lot of aggrevating tests, empirical research, and scientific understanding of boring neurons firing off in the brain. Goodbye Freud, hello B.F. Skinner.

Sociology—-it’s a field that fascinates me, but let’s really look at it: Why is it even a scholary consideration? People act one way when they’re alone and go all crazy in a crowd. Bam, thesis solved, let’s focus on building bridges that don’t collapse already. All the research and test runs in the world (which are subject to bias and drawing conclusions, btw) aren’t really fixing the world or solving problems or even really saying or doing anything. “Oh, look at that, Professor James just concluded a study finding when people wear socks on Sunday, they are slightly more agressive. How’s about that?”

Conclusion: unless you’re in the Peace Corps, actively feeding the impoverished or building homes for indigenous people in foreign lands, or whatnot, your contribution to existance is nil. Everyhing else is either entertainment (wrestlers, musicians, actors), which is not essential for survival, or self-indulgent (bankers, CEOs, office workers), who work only to procrur a paycheck and circle-jerk those in their respected field.

The woman in the beret and the main in a tie are both wrong. Suck on it, bitches.

My mom used to take me to the grocery store to go shopping with her every so often. As I would stroll about through the dead and bland aisles, one thing would always catch my eye. I was always a bookworm, even as a precocious youngster. It was around this era in my life when I also first got imto professional wrestling. The abusive swagger of “Stone-Cold” Steve Austin and the invincible aura of Bill Goldberg caught my eye.

So, lo and behold, as I made my way over to the magazine rackm when I would stumble upon Pro Wrestling Illustrated. The briht and glossy cover promised tales of intrigue, betrayal, and a wider look at the behind-the-scenes happenings of  this wacky circus I called myself a fan of. I would beg my mom to shell out the money for them.

Soon I was collecting any and all copies of the stuff that I could get my hands on. I grew to realize the personalities of the so-called writers: Brandi Mankiwez, the bitter snob who showed preferential treatment to heels (and who later developed into a smark), Matt Brock, the no-nonsense traditionalist with a disdain for the modern-day theatrics of sports entertainment, Liz, with her feminist leanings, and the like.

Imagine my suprise when I found out years later Bill Apter created all these characters himself. indeed, the illusion of gimmicks and multiple personalities doesn’t just stay in he ring. Is he a true master manipulator, an artist even, or just a sad man with dissociative identity disordeR? I think the answer lays somewhere in the middle.

But what I enjoyed more than the editorials were the special journalistic stories. How they developed stroylines that were occuring on TV and how they even tried to instigate some new ones. I loved how they would expand on the fourth wall of WWE (or WWF, as it was known at the time) and WCW and try to inject intrigue. One piece that sticks out in my mnd is how, at the height of their WWE popularity, they suggested the Dudleyz would soon break up because D-Von was jealous of all the attention Bubba Ray was getting. Alas, it never came to be (they were instead seperated by a poorly thought out angle in the brand extension), but it still gave color to the hapenings on Monday Night Raw and made me think.

I loved how they would pick up on the little things and engage in creative thought experiments. As a kid, even as I got into the Internet and eventually discovered the subculture of fandom that is the IWC, I still held a special place in my heart for the Apter mags. It gave depth to the scripted nature of wrestling and had balancing moments of humor, satire, seriousness, and artistically arranaged photographs. Dare I might say, it even influenced my writing style a bit.

As time went on and my exterior became rough, and as I discovered R.D. Reynolds and 411mania, I somehow managed to find a copy of WOW Magazine at my local Winn-Dixie. For those unfamiliar with WOW Magazine, it stood for World of wrestling (altjough my reaction at seeing it could be said to stand for the title too). It presumed the reader already knew about the fact that it was not only fake, but up on the backstage workings of the biz, as it were. It was groundbreaking, as it adopted a smark tone, went after the sacred cows of the marks like Hulk Hogan and Ultmate Warrior, and talked about who was legitaemtly getting fired, hired, and pushed.

At the time I was still a smark newbie and so didn’t quite get when they published ScoopThis’ Rock vs. Hogan match (oh, how eerily it resembled the actual encounter that took place at Wrestlemania). But as I go back through my copy and read Bryan Alvarez’s treatise on the fickle nature of the heel/face dynamics, I share a quiet chuckle with myself, for it colored my current outlook. And yes, lately I’ve found myself reading back through old issues of PWI.

The pages are yellowing and what little color photos they do offer look ridicoulously outdated. These were the days when Justin Credible terrorized the landscape of ECW and Diamond Dallas Page was awared Most Hated Wrestler of the year award in 1999 (I had forgotten tehre was a time when our beloved blue-collar champion was heel). Ah, to jump back to my idyllic teenage years.

I ask you, dear reader: what has happened to kayfabe? It seems to have gone the way of the pet rock and rolled-up suit jacket sleeves. These days, when the details of every performer’s life is just a click away, we seem to be refused to be shocked by anything. Perhaps there is some validation to Vince McMahon’s recent frustration with leaks to the newsletters: the last time I marked out was when Christian debuted on ECW, and that wa sonly because I had no previous idea about it. And even then, after I calmed down, I realized how I became so numb and desenitized that I was viewing this as a citic, and no longer a fan.

Us twentysomethings grew up in the age of ECW, the Attitude Era, and the NWO. We’re used to a million run-ins, swerve heel turns, “shoot” interviews that reference real-life names or history, bra and panty matches, frequent blading, over-the-type violence and Hell in a Cell matches on RAW. Did the hardcore revolution Paul heyman helped to bring about spoil us and cause us to expect too much?

I’m not saying Chris Jericho has to have a perpetual frown and diss the fans at every second. I don’t expect the Undertaker to act stoic and enigmatic when he’s out at a tity bar. This is overkill, and in this day and age, a bit of an outdated and ridiculous idea. But it would help to have some clarity and insight into storylines and matches a bit more. Sell the product; that’s the whole point of this charade. It goes both ways, now: fans should have a suspension of disbelief more. Enjoy the product instead of constantly analyzing it. You don’t see play attendes whispering to one another about how it’s all fake or showing off how cool they are by flaunting how they know the lead actor’s real name.

It’s called suspenison of disbelief, and people enact it when watching a TV show for a reason. The next time you’re at a house show or live event, leave the “John Cena sux” sign at home and don’t chide the performers if they botch a dropkick. These are people that train hard and have worked a long time to get hwere they are, to put their bodies on the line as a spectacle for you, the fans’, enjoyment. Show them a little respect by booing the good guys and cheering the bad guys appropriately. It’s mock combat and thetaer, enjoy it as such.

In short, that was my little tribute to the Apter mags. I’ve heard whispers that they’re still around, so I’ll have to check them out. After all, I’m just itching to know if Val venis has gotten back into the porn business to supplement his income….

Hello, folks. Sorry I haven’t been around as much, but I got caught up with a shitload of school work and now that finals are over I’m free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I’m free at last!

I wanted to shift tones and talk about something real serious: war. It’s a brutal, uncecessary undeavor, and to be honest, I’m really against in most cases. And I don’t just mean,”Well the Iraw war is soooo bad cuz it[’s just more oil” type. I mean just really opposed to the overall concept of it.

In my heart of hearts I consider myself a pacifist. Violence breeds a cycle of ugliness which is rarely broken. To respond to agression with counter-attitude is to invite hostility and ultimately one another’s destruction.

It’s been said before, in greater tomes and in far better words, that war is essentially a political tool. It’s heartbreaking to think so many men and women have died and suffered horrible injutstices and injuries, all to facilitate a politican’s rise to power or one country’s dominance over another.

War leads to a dehuminzation of the enemy. The army and other branches of the armed forces actually institute a process called “resociaization”. This is where they basivally try to brainwash you into their robotic, conormiost way of thinking. They give you all this run-around rhetoric about needing precise movements on the battefield, but it’s really just hoopla disguising the fact that they want to turn you into a cold-blooded sociopath with little to no feelings or reagrd for other’s lives, through means of bullying, humiliation, and intimidation.

I’m not one of those protestors who boos the soldiers when they come back. that is misguided anger and ultimately unforgiven. regardless of my opinions, those people are American heores and were simpkl doing their job. I’m sure the scars of war have left unforgiveable and lifelong mental trauma on them. In fact, some of the very strongest anti-war sentiments have come from those who served in it, such as Kurt Vonnenut’s Slaughterhouse Five or Joseph Heller’s Catch-22.

Nay, I see them as merely innocent victims in the context of a larger infastructure. I think the whole military-industrial complex needs to be rethought, and even abolished. We are too agressive in foreign policy and one cannot possibly conceive of the ultimate reality and horror of war, unless you happen to have the misfortune to be in one.

The Army mostly recruits college dropouts, those in desperate poverty, and other young and directionless males with no hope for their future and no outlet for their pent-up frustration. Basically, you have a nation of white trash defedningt our country overseas. Scary, isn’t it?

Sorry this entry might seem so poorly written and crappy, I’m just tired after finals week. When I get sleep and I rest up for the summer and am more motivated, I’ll have more steady output in the near future. For now, let me leave you with this to ponder:

Despite the fact that we live on this here hunk of rock flaoting in space, we constantly abuse it. Much like an ungrateful slacker that trashes his apartment, we litter the ground we constantly travel on. We pollute our rivers with uncesseary waste that has been produced as a result of the Industrial Revolution. We clog our skys with smog that leaks out from the gas in our cars, which were originally created as a rich man’s toy and which we truthfully don’t need anyway.

It saddens and pains me to see nature deteroriating the way it is because of people’s carelessness. After we’re finished clogging our arteries at McDonald’s we throw the paper to the ground. The beauty of a natural landscape is tainted by our laziness.

Global warming is the latest in this seeming biological epidemic. I think, for the first time, we’re really getting an idea about how far the damage has been done. If we don’t change our ways and try to clean up our act, it will end up being our undoing.

Human beings are arrogant because we think we rule the roast, when in truth we’re just tiny ants on this huge plane. The Earth is bigger than any of us, yet we think we’re above it.

We need the ecosystem to sustain ourselves. And we should respect our planet. Too many businesses dump waste into our rivers, which in turn harms our health when we go to take a sip of water or go swimming. Pretty soon our coastal land will be gone because the government aganecies taht are supposed to look over it and preserve it are too incompetent to look over it.

We need to transition to a green way of living. We need to reduce our carbon footprint. We need to discover healthier ways of living. We need to stop depleting natural resources and instead look into other alternative fuel sources before we drain he ground of fossil fuels. We need to stop being so wasteful and just packing all our garbage into landfills. We need to recycle more.

But fear not. I have a feeling, much like the dinosaurs, we will go the way of oblivion. Keep in mind Earth has been around for a few million years, and we’ve only got a few thousand under our belt. Earth is a planet and thus will fix itself out after we’re gone and have stopped ruining it.

Not to get all hippified or Captain Planet on you. I just felt it had to be said and I am something of an enviormentalist.

The anarchy symbol, a simple, often crudely-rendered circle A in blood red, done against a jet black background, inspires many strong emotions in those who se it. Some associate it with violence and destruction; others see it as a symbol of liberation and political revelation.

Myself, I am an anarchist. I consider myself tried-and-true, having survived many totilitarian tribulatons. It’s a controversial stance and while sometimes even I doubt it, in the end I stand by it. I believe government to ultimately be an unfair social hierarchy which inevitably leads to a gross imbalance of power amonsgt those in government and the litle guys like us who frantically pound away on their keyboards and wonder if the roast is cooked or not.

However, let me clarify myself. I don’t believe all politicians are inherently evil. Obama, for all his slips and bloops, strikes me as doing an okay job. There are some warriors in Congress out there, fighting right now for your right to equal health care. I see politicians the same way I see army soldiers: inherently fine and noble people, but victims of a warped mentality. They must undergo a comlete process of dehumaization, for that is the very nature of their endeavors.

Also, I don’t support a violent overthrow of any current regime. The fact that numerous bombings and rots have been attributed to those of our persusasion disgusts me. Such acts of terrorism and teenage hooliganism are revolting and deserve no glorification in the cause I wish to see transpire. If any revolution will happen, it will be a peaceful one. Bombs won’t change the way people operate and respond to one another; elightening them and appealing to their more noble attributes will, however. If any progress is to be made, the hard truth is that it will be a slow and eventual movement.

That being said, I’d like to explain why I am an anarchist. The idea of government is an ideal one but ultimately has to be viewed as a failure. When our founding fathers (who, despite what you may think from m radical leanings, I ultimately admire) established this country and set forth the doctrines of which the United States of America was to be based on, I’m sure they couldn’t have envisioned the scope and rate at which we’d expand.

The whole idea of a small body of legal and logistic intellectuals to preside over the general public is quite a rational idea on paper. But then again, everything works out in theory. Take a look at Audioslave if you ever doubt that thesis. But, we have to consider the time in which the Constitution was drafted. The country was still then quite a very tiny fortress, and people, common folks no less, considered it an absolute imperative to read the newspaper on a daily basis, in order to absrorb their fair share of news and up-to-date happenings.

As of today, the current population rate in the U.S. is estimated to be about 306,327,000. Think about that for a second: that’s an enormous number! Would you trust that many people to organize fairly in a line at Disney World? No. Then how could you resonably expect this many people to assemble in a coherent manner to preside over themselves and agree on how to elect representaives to decide matters for them?

Let’s face facts: the country is simply now too large to have any sort of meaningful democratic system. It was fine in the 1800s when there was barely anybody around, but now, it’s no wonder there’s matters of recounts and recessions (we’ll get to that in a minute) and confusion and political corruption.

As well, how often have we seen politicians in the news being arrested for some white-collar crime? Too often we villify the thugs in the streets who mug passer-bys but we excuse the senator who stuffs his pockets or votes yes to a bill that supports war so he can send us off to go be killed in some foreign land so weapons contractors can get paid (all without stepping onto the battlefield himself, mind you) or lying under oath or enacting the most depaved and dishonest smear campaigns to get re-elected.

Democracy has reached a turning point where it’s no longer about helping the people or legislation in our favor. It’s not simply about one thing: power. People get into politics like they want to get into acting: for the fame and the fortune. It’s all about making connections, lying to the people, and learning how to make the quite perfect smile for the next photo-op. Abrham Lincoln and George Washington, both men from (arguably) humble roots, would never make it today. Now it’s the Harvard graduates who ascend to the position of president, not the average man on the stree, even though the latter is the foundation and backbone of America.

And here is my fundamental argument for anarchism: the right of the autonomous self to decide. As adults, we do as we please. We are free to smoke if we want, curse in our living rooms, dance around in our underwear, or pursue a Phd in financing. So why do we need others to tell us what to do? Not to boil this down to a James Dean-ish teen rebellion motif, but really: why do we place the ultimate fate of our situation in others’ hands?

What of the intellectual who has evolved beyond needing a moral babysitter and is intelligent and independent enough to make his own choices? Should he have to abide by the law? And what is the law, anyway? Is it not simply a man-made construct?

When you give in to the government and authority, you are placing the subucation of your life and well-being in their hands. And history has proven time and time again this is a mistake. To defer to a higher power is to remove all responsibility and conscience for your actions, which is a dangerous mindframe. Let’s not forget the classic psychological experiment of the Stanford Prison Study. It has been proven and pretty much verified that those in positions of power will inevtiably abuse it. So why do we stand for corruption and blatant disregard for our well-being with those in Congress?

This recent recession has seen a swelling of populist feelings. While it oddly seems to have arised from the conservative sector (who ever thought Republicans would be our era’s hippie Vietnam protestors), I can understand their anger, in a sense. We’re tired of seeing the chasm between the rich and poor widen. We are exhausted with the have-nots looking up at the haves and not getting any sort of acknowledgment. This should be ultimate prrof to anyone who blindly places faith in our hallowed halls of government that they will always fail and place the interests of capilastic profit and their own comfort over ours.

In the end, I ultimately feel we are equal. As humans, we are all one. Any title or sense of accomplishment we use to seperate someone uses to seperate themselves from the other is an illusion. You may have a degree, but all it is is a piece of paper others handed you. To this route, it is my ultimate (and perhaps misguidely idealistic) belief that we should cooperate not out of force or fear, but out of compassion for our fellow man. All actions and community interactios, and indeed all political matters, should be conducted as a non-compulsory level playing field, with no regards to official organizations or hierarchies. What I’m bascially saying is: Why can’t we all just be free to do as we please and get along?

There are those who counter this, and say thet government supresses man’s more violent instincts. Indeed, I am often reminded of the prophetic epigram of James Madison: “If men were angels, we wouldn’t need government.” True, men aren’t angels, but he isn’t the devil either. They claim that if anarchy broke out and there were no rules or laws, people would go around and killing each other. I’m not sure why they automatically jump to aht conclsuion and reach for the most violent scenario, as if it’s everyone’ immediate instinct to just go out and harm random people.

I will concede this will, can, and has happened. I’m not blind or dumb. But first off, this proves that man is not inherently of an admirable nature, but rather a ferocious and primal animal conditioned through society to obey common standards so he doesn’t get punished. Secondly, the establishment of government hasn’t done anything to quell this. The crime rate here in New Orleans has shot up to the highest in the country. Murder and crime is an unfortunate constant in life and nothing will ever make that go away. So I take it your local governor and mayor aren’t giving Superman and Batman a run for their money in that department.

What is my answer o this dilemna? I say we band together, collectively decide as a group what o do about him, and banish him. If you want to get simple and brutal about it, blow the motherfcuker’s head off. We don’t need rotten criminals like that to spoil a potential utopia. Same as the court system, without the legal hoopla and paperwork and failed criminal prison system and judges being paid off and incompetent and/or bloodsucking lawyers, except i’d actually…*gasp* work.

So there, I got it off my chest. Feel free to digress; I welcome it. I just ask that, if you are a Republican or a Democrat or a member of the Green party or just simply an upholders of democracy, to really read over this article and try to digest the point sI have tried to make. I’ve had many people react to my declaration of this social philosophy with equal levels of horror, shock, disgust, anger, and outright befuddlement.

It is my sincere and wholehearted belief is not only the next logical step in human evoltion, but the final stage at which we will have peace and ease partisan tensions. With my parting words, I want you to keep in mind anarchy isn’t just some punk mosh pits where a bunch of kids with eye rings and mohawks run into each other. Many pseudo-mavericks adopt this tag and throw around the term or wear an A-circle armband with absolutely no conception of its weight or meaning, and I look down on these posers with shame.

Also realize anarchy isn’t some riot and militia movement in some third-world nation. Those are sad circumstances in which poverty begets violence. What anarchy is cooperation, eglatarian ideals, and the ascention of the self as the highest organism of deference. Down here, during Katrina, when the administration dropped the ball, it took the complete kindness of strangers to help each other. Even in the midst of seeming chaos, we down here managed to work tohgether and ultimately survive, based on common will and smarts. It is a historical precedent that many systems of rule fail their people in times of crisis, or even in times of average mundanity.

I hope you come away from this post with a sense of enlightment and looking at the world in a new way, or perhaps even just understanding a belief system foreign to you and alien to your established political leanings (although the pessimist in me doubts it….don’t take a slight on you, dear reader, but instead a sthe grumblings of a bitter writer). Remember that anarchy isn’t limited to coffeehouse snobs who have too much time on their hands and sit around reading Dostovesky all day. They include peaceful, law-abiding, and eloquent folk like me. Yes, I realize how slightly hypocritical it is for me to spout off about this on a computer. Yet I’m using the only means available to me to communicate what I feel is an important conception of mine.

Before you ask or point it out, yes, I also realize it is technically illegal to be an arachist (which is kinda hypocrictical and goes against the whole “freedom of speech” deal. Oh well, guess the brass has to cover their as when it comes to opposition on their very platform). Hopefully the government doesn’t shut down this blog, confiscate my laptop, and drag me out of my house at 3 in the morning in cuffs. Then again, if they can’t even find Osama bin Ladin or keep a couple of pigs from messing with our health, quite frankly I’m not too worried. Again, to clarify: I am against violence and do not condone any physical revolt against any politicians. I am against greed and buffoons in suits who waste time on meaningless pork bills instead of creating more jobs for the failing market out there.